“I knew this baby was different from early on in my pregnancy. My second child is a high-energy, rambunctious, show-no-fear kid. My first was always much quieter. Now he's cautious and often afraid to try new things. How can they be so different - and from the same parents?”
Lisa's sense of amazement is common - siblings in the same family can seem as if they came from different planets, not just different pregnancies! That's because every baby is born with a certain temperament, or way of reacting to the world. Yours might surprise you by being very outgoing, or super-sensitive - unlike anyone else in the family. He might cry loudly when he doesn't like something, whereas you and your other kids are easygoing. He might be passive and not seem to want a lot of attention, even though you looked forward during your entire pregnancy to playing with him.
Most parents have an idea about who their child will be - in general, they expect to give birth to someone who's a lot like them - and dream of being exactly the kind of parent they would have wanted. If your baby turns out to be someone you hadn't expected, you might feel confused, lost or even angry. What's more, as your child grows, the type of parent you've decided to be might not work for the person you're raising. That's why it's important to figure out who your baby is early on and to adapt your parenting to fit.
What is temperament?Psychologists identify seven specific traits that make up temperament. By the time your baby is about four months old, you should be able to start noting
• Adaptability: how easily he adapts to new things
• Intensity: how vigorously she reactss when she's hungry, uncomfortable or doesn't like something
• Sensitivity: how he reacts to stimuli like noise, light and even the way fabric feels against his skin
• Distractibility: how easily she can be distracted from discomfort (or, in older children, from a task)
• Activity: what kind of noise and activity levels he prefers
• Regularity: how regular she is in her habits, like eating and sleeping
• Frustration tolerance: how long he'll keep trying to reach his goal before he gives up or melts down. At the youngest age, the goal might be getting fed; later, it might be pulling himself up.
How babies react can be divided into three basic temperament types:
• The majority of babies - some 75 percent - are "easygoing." They adapt easily, eat and sleep on a fairly regular schedule and can be distracted or soothed. These babies have lower levels of activity, sensitivity and intensity.
• The "difficult" baby - some 10 percent of all babies - might have high activity levels, respond intensely to upset, be oversensitive and are consistently irregular in their sleeping and eating habits.
• The "slow to warm" baby - about 15 percent of babies - withdraws from or responds cautiously to new situations and people. These babies also tend to be relatively inactive. Cautious babies are able to warm to newness as they gain experience, however.
Next: Know Your Baby's Temperament